i'm tired of being sad :(

i'm sad...and i'm tired of being sad. I hate reliving all the things he has done. Reading his emails and seeing them so differently then i did in the beginning the first time i thought he still loved me and was just confused..now i see the truth of it all. it's hard to realize how naive i had a good "distant" talk with his mom yesterday she didn't want to stand next to me cause i'm sick so she stood by her car and i stood by the front door! And i was telling her i gave aaron the cell he bought me back because of the things he was saying to me. And she goes i wish dave was around to here these things it's not fair to you to have to stay here just because he doesn't want the kids to go. she said i told aaron he better not harass you after he got the money he sure didn't listen. i want so badly to start the next chapter of my life and i'm tired of having to wait to find out if i can move to do that. I know that i could still move on if i stay here but it would be so much easier if i could be there. everyone i talk to about moving are all like that is just to good of an opportunity for you to have to pass up. i wish aaron could see that...he knows how badly i want to go and he says he understands...so why can't he let me without argument....he couldn't give me a successfull marriage, he couldn't stay faithful to me, he couldn't avoid hurting me time and time again for his selfishness....so why can't he give me this one thing. as sad as it is i wish he could see that it is better for his kids to be away from him...not saying forever just until he straightens out his life....which in his case could be forever but still. i love these kids with all my heart they are the one thing that can make me smile when i'm having a bad day! aiden came up to me yesterday and goes mommy you ok? you sad? no mommy is just sick. you need to go to the doctor? maybe we will see. then grandma comes over. grandma mommy is sick she need to go to doctor. i go to grandma carols house cause mommys sick. it was really cute! then makayla and her laugh and the funny things shes starting to do! all i want is whats best for them and me and to protect them from harm.