4 year anniversary

so today should have been mine and aarons 4 year anniversary.... what a journey it's been never thought that this was going to be the outcome. His dad gave him the money he needed to pay his attorney so that he could fight to prevent me from moving to utah....i understand but it still hurts. He keeps harassing me so finally i gave him back the cell phone he had given me. My life is so much easier when he's not in it. So yet again i will go back to being non-existent as far as he is concerned. i don't understand why he wont leave me alone it's like you weren't happy you moved on...the way you did it was shady but whatever let me go and let me move on your just pouring salt into my wounds. i'm scared of the future that i won't be able to go to utah but i have to do anything i can to make it work. I called a rape/domestic violence help hot line yesterday and because of what i told them they are filing a claim with child protective services of child abuse. i'm scared how people are going to react. i'm afraid people aren't going to believe me. it's already humiliating enough thinking about what he did but the thought of having to explain in detail to people what happened and to try and convince people of the truth. He may not think it's rape because i didn't "push him off" but he wasn't in my shoes. i wish he could walk in my shoes for one day and feel all the pain and emotions that i have felt with...the past 6 months...the past 3 years because of what he has done. please pray for me please pray that i will have the ability to deal with all of this and that if im suppose to be in utah that it will happen.