It's amazing to me to see the difference from just Saturday to today..will it last? probably not i don't know but i feel good i feel joy. I was able to sleep last night and to laugh and feel happy! It's amazing how when you do the things that they always tell us to do but atleast for me never really did can help you...like paying tithing and saying my prayers and reading my scriptures...even in just 2 days of working REALLY hard at it i feel just a huge weight off my shoulders and i feel happy. I know that i will still have my downs but i have learned you just have to live in the moment and just REALLY appreciate the good times hold on to them as long as possible because you don't know how long they will last. I hope and pray that Thursday will go good..in a way i'm hoping that we have to get a Guardian at litem so that maybe they could help me know what to do with the kids and aaron and then i could sit down and talk to them. But i don't know. He's getting mad more and more everyday i think...i think he's finally having his downs and i'm having my ups. It's interesting to hear almost everyone i talk to say how they are surprised that he is even going for any time with the kids and how they all think he is just doing it so that he doesn't have to pay child support and things like that. It makes me sad to think that, that could be part of the reason why. i guess only time will tell...hopefully thursday goes good!